Written for the 2005 Yuletide Challenge for shanalle, who requested Bend It Like Beckham slash fic. Thanks to Rhi for the beta.
Steal the Sun
By Raine Wynd
In the dark, Jess stared up at her ceiling — the bottom of Jules’s bunk, really — and dreamed of things she couldn’t have, but hoped to someday. It was easier in the dark, listening to Jules breathe, and somehow the darkness made it okay that the last thing on Jess’s mind was football, and that the first thing was Jules.
Jess closed her eyes, remembering how earlier in the locker room after practice, Jules had turned to ask Jess to hand her a towel as she continued to talk about the game they had coming up, what their coach had said, how the other players were playing. The showers were communal, with no shower curtains, and the towel hooks were at the end of the row of showers. Jess had hurried through her shower; no matter how much time she’d spent using communal showers, her sense of modesty kept her from wanting to spend any more time showing off her body than necessary, and so had finished first.
Jules stood before Jess, the water sliding down her body and Jess tried desperately not to notice just how Jules’ breasts looked or how looking at them made Jess hyperaware of her sudden, intense desire to taste them just to see how her friend would react. This need to touch another woman’s body went against everything Jess had thought she’d known about her sexuality, and yet, it felt entirely right. It had taken Jess a moment to realize that Jules had asked twice for the towel, and she’d flushed, embarrassed, and handed it over, but Jules had laughed, teasing her about something completely unrelated, and Jess had gone with the joke.
Jess tried to pretend the confusion she felt was somehow okay, but her world had been topsy-turvy since the day they’d met, and being in America was only making things worse. Being here instead of home meant there was no one but herself to rein in the desire to experience everything America had to offer. Being here, too, meant that the only other person who knew who’d she’d been in England was Jules, and even Jules was encouraging her to try new things.
Somehow, Jess didn’t think those new things included trying sex with another woman, especially if it was Jules. Jules was her best friend. Jess didn’t even have a clue how to approach her. Even supposing she got through that part, what would happen if they did have sex (and that was supposing they figured out how to have sex with each other – how the hell did women do each other anyway?), and then the sex sucked, or worse, they decided they couldn’t be friends anymore? Plus, they were attending a Jesuit-run university – Jess was sure there was bound to be some rule banning same-sex relationships on campus since there were enough rules governing other conduct.
She wished, not for the first time, that she could somehow be back…oh, anywhere, she supposed, anywhere where she didn’t have to watch Jules stumble half-naked out of bed in the mornings, where she didn’t have to sometimes share time in the showers with her, where she didn’t know anyone named Jules. Somewhere where Jess didn’t have to stop and try to pretend she wasn’t staring, admiring, lusting, wanting something she’d never thought of even having.
Even as she thought that, she knew she wouldn’t take any of it back. Taking it back meant not leaving home, not having the chance to play football like she’d always dreamed, not being able to do what she wanted.
Sighing, she punched her pillow and rolled over, careful not to shake the bunk in the process. She had four classes the next day, and she wanted to be awake for all of them, without resorting to stopping by the coffee shop.
“Jess?” Jules asked sleepily, and Jess realized she’d somehow managed to wake her. Silently, she cursed the college’s decision to use bunk beds. “You having trouble sleeping?”
“Too much coffee,” she said, which wasn’t the whole truth. “Go back to sleep; I’ll be fine.”
Jules yawned. “You need to lay off that,” she told her. “Or something.” She yawned again, stretching, and shoved the sheets back as she did so. “Are you hot? It’s warm in here.”
“Yeah, it’s a bit warm,” Jess agreed. “I opened the window earlier. We need to go buy a fan.”
“I’ll see if Marianna wants to run up to the mall tomorrow after biology,” Jules said, referring to one of their fellow teammates who had a car.
Jules didn’t say anything for several minutes, and Jess though she’d gone back to sleep. Without warning, Jules got out of bed, and moved to the other side of the room, where they kept a mini-fridge on top of one of the desks.
“Want some water?” Jules asked, pulling open the fridge and removing a bottle.
“No, thanks,” Jess refused.
“You sure?” She crossed the small room and knelt beside the bed, offering the water.
Jess sat up, surprised. “I’m sure,” she told Jules.
Jules took a long drink of water, then ran the bottle across her neck and down into the valley between her breasts. It was then that Jess realized that Jules was completely naked. Jess swallowed hard.
Jules set the bottle down on the floor. Her eyes met Jess’s. “Caught you looking,” she teased her.
“So?” Jess challenged. “You’re right there.”
In reply, Jules leaned in and kissed her. Startled, Jess clutched the sheets of her bed and froze. Jules didn’t immediately break the kiss, but ended it almost reluctantly. “I thought you wanted this,” she said. “All that looking in the showers when you thought I wasn’t paying attention.”
“You knew?” Jess squeaked.
Jules chuckled. “Of course I knew, you think I’m blind?”
“You’re okay with this?”
Jules looked at her. “No, I kissed you just so I can freak about it later. What do you think?”
Jess took a deep breath. In her wildest dreams, she never thought Jules would be okay with how Jess felt about her, or that she’d even be interested. To have this, even for one night – well. There would be time later to think about it, she decided, and leaned in to kiss Jules back.
Kissing a girl wasn’t that different from kissing a boy, Jess discovered, and Jules seemed determined to teach her what she didn’t know. Nothing Jess did seemed wrong, not all the weeks of trying to hide what she felt, not all her hesitant, unsure touches now. In the dark, on that narrow bunk, learning the glory of being rewarded for her efforts, hearing Jules’ moans of pleasure, feeling Jules tremble with passion, Jess felt like a thief, robbing the east of morning's light. Tomorrow, Jess would wonder if she’d been dreaming, if tonight really happened. Tonight, however, she thrilled to discover that not only was sex with another woman not as difficult as she’d imagined, but it was something she enjoyed. Tonight, she was everything Jules wanted. That was enough.
finis 12/17/05