a sense of nonidentity

by Raine Wynd

I wrote this my senior year of high school and was fortunate to have it published in the school's literary magazine, Page One. This caused my English teacher, who read it before I submitted for publication, to wonder if there was anything seriously wrong in my life. There wasn't; I just decided to write a poem about peer pressure, and how one would feel if he or she had indeed gone along with the crowd and regretted the decision later. ©1989

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i am not unique;
i am a member of modern society,
as faceless as all the rest.

i say what i should think,
i express not what i truly feel,
as i wear what everybody else wears,
existing in a sense of nonidentity.

once i had my own dreams:
to be different was my credo
and i fought to hold on to my belief.

i said what i personally held true
i expressed what i truly felt
i wore what i chose, fashion be damned
i lived without a sense of nonidentity.

everything has its price:
i ransomed my soul and my dreams
for the fickle friendship of a few.

i learned to say what i should think
i expressed what i was taught to feel
i started to wear what was trendy and new
i began to gain a sense of nonidentity.

it has gotten me nowhere:
i am safe in anonymity
but unhappy with my existence.

i've said what i've been told to think
i've expressed not what i truly feel
i've dressed in the latest styles
i've coped with a sense of nonidentity.

everyone says i should be happy:
i've living the "right" life, the "good" life
so why do i feel like crying?

i say what it should think
i express not what i truly feel
i wear what everyone else wears
i exist in a sense of nonidentity.