The Meeting

The prequel piece to shock, although written afterwards. ©1995

seeing you again
after years of believing i wouldn't
and hoping that somehow you'd died
was like going on a roller coaster
that went faster and higher than i'd expected
and even so knowing that somehow this should be dejá vù
and really i ought to be old hat at this
and say something more intelligent than hello
or do better than hide my head and pretend i didn't see you
but the conflicting emotions knot my heart better than a sailor
and the old defenses come clanking up like medieval armor
and i can't think for the panic terrorizing my head
and before i know it my chance has evaporated
and i wake up in a cold sweat

seeing you again
after years of thanking god i didn't
and knowing that you were still alive and well
was like diving into a deep pool for the first time all year
and thinking i forgot how to hold my breath as my feet touched bottom
and even so knowing that this truly is something i've done before
and really, i ought to be old hat at this
and say all the angry words that i always felt needed said
or do more than acknowledge your existence with a short nod
but the silence in the packed room is deafening with anticipation
and the manners i never quite forgot come to rescue me in my distress
and i can't swallow past the pride choking my throat
and before i know it the opportunity has passed
and i sit down like a child abruptly denied