to m.

by Raine Wynd

time sure passes strange
when i'm not with you
the days seem longer
and the hours seem lonelier
now that i can't just hop
into my car and zoom on over
and try to cheer you up
and myself at the same time

did i fall in love with you
or is it the memory of what
might have been if other things
hadn't happened to turn out this way
or is it simply the remembrance of what was
in a time that feels like forever ago
that keeps me wondering like this
and waiting to see what happens next

even as i wish my heart would stop
missing you and all you mean to me
some part of me realizes it has to be this way
and if i were to call you right now
and tell you how i feel
would that mean you'd start hoping
for the things that used to be
or could still be if he wasn't here

in my life there's so much chaos
and i used to like it that way
until i met you and started to see
that maybe i was just kidding myself
and i'm really in love with no one
but i'm tired of being tired
with no place to go but running back to you
and the haven of your understanding

was it really you and me way back when
who dreamed we'd set the world aflame
and make it sit up and take note
that yes, a man and a woman could be friends
and nothing romantic or bad had to happen because of it
or maybe we just got that part out of the way
and maybe it still could happen despite everything
we claim to be to each other

the end result is that i am still
sitting in this chair at an ungodly hour of the morning
wishing you could be here
to celebrate the fact that i'm
close to getting where i want to be in life
and to say the right words
to help me deal with a relationship
i'm not sure i want anymore

still i'm missing you and
even though i could write or call
i did promise myself to do so
only if you communicated with me first
but even so i want to tell you
more than i could ever say in words
that i love you more than i wanted to
and i wish i could've told you that sooner

i know you have your own life to live
well so do i but i still find the time
to remember the people i care for
and to say hello to a friend i couldn't forget
even if my life depended upon it
you gave me so much when you accepted me
for who i am, who i try to be, and who i was
and it seems awfully inadequate to offer my friendship in return

you define what a friend is to me
you have weathered a lifetime of storms
and found a way to bring sunlight into my darkened skies
i will always be here when you need a friend
and with all my soul's deepness
i sit here, missing you

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